my fave Fml strories

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

some responses

1Sure it was meant for her husband???
2At least she tries to please him - (low class slut person is probably a bore in bed btw) - you sound like a nightmare in law. Lucky for me mine aren't like you!

Today, I showed up at my sister's baby shower, only to find out she would spend half the night reciting her husband's god-awful baby worship poetry, and then play Celine Dion "music" while we practically emptied our wallets into her hands. I'm ashamed to be related to this freeloading c*nt. FML

1I really don't see why it is so horrible for them to be enjoying a baby shower of a soon to be new born child. Also, at baby showers everyone gives gifts to help out with expenses of a new born and just to welcome the child. i think, op, that you are just a prick.

2Douchebag or stuck up daddys girl cheerleader....
3When I see people like that it makes me not want to live on this planet anymore
4Celine Dejoneze is bad
Paying out cash also bad
But poetry? That's too F'ing cruel!

Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML

1Nope, you don't feed those tweakers
2Little bipolar bastard.
3I suggest throwing flaming cow turds, but that's just me
4aThis kid is going places.
4bYeah, the guidance councilor's office.
4cMental institution more like it.
5Halloween's an emotional time in a young boys life; Strangers constantly putting their hands in and around your sack.
6Next time he comes over for "Halloween" get a bowl full of rice and say, "please take one".
7is he mental? and where are the parents?
8I see a mental institution in that kid's future.
9The kid is fucked up. Next year on Halloween, have a garden hose ready for him.
10I remember one Halloween, my best friend an I knocked on a door. The man was very drunk an felt bad he didnt have any more candy. He said "Wait a minute lil dudes" He came back an dropped two baked sweet potatoes into our Halloween bag and some mustard and sweet an low packets Weirdest trick or treat "candy" ever.


Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

1This is your typical father and son moment.
2I hope his son hasn't started having memories yet. It would suck to remember grabbing your dads dick when you got older D:


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